This is a strange one because I know that a lot of people don’t feel like going to parties or events and can feel a certain amount of trepidation preceding an event. One friend changes outfits a dozen times and has to be dragged out of the door but actually loves socialising. When I am issued an invitation, I immediately accept with gushing enthusiasm despite knowing that some reflection is necessary before agreeing.

The irony is that I tend to be pretty good company with lots to say and exude confidence and  in my drinking days I was the life and soul until I started combining drink with medication, then my behaviour was catastrophic. I am still trying to reason why a seemingly outgoing person can utterly freak out when faced with social occasions. I can narrow it down to evenings and parties in particular as frankly past 6 pm the drawbridge goes up. I don’t like gatherings that are focussed purely around food and drink. Is this a relic of the old days when I just wanted to get hammered or did I get hammered out of nervousness? As mentioned,  the psychological profile concluded I was an introvert displaying extrovert characteristics which begs the question how an extrovert displays introvert characteristics. Now give me a daytime invitation with a reason like my daughters show jumping competitions and I am fine and thoroughly enjoy myself.

My social anxiety is so pronounced that you would honestly think I was climbing the north face of the Eiger, naked without support ropes, the fuss I make.

A psychiatrist finally explained it to me…

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